I don’t know why I even hesitated. Maybe it’s natural not to want someone to assume responsibility for you, no matter what your condition. Maybe I was afraid that if we all lived together, there would be arguments or trouble. But my choices were few, and I wasn’t ready to give up my cottage.

Now I wonder if I made the right choices. I am so confused some times, I’m just not sure of anything. But I suppose I did the right thing. Lee says because of the economy, without his contribution to our expenses, I wouldn’t be able to make ends meet. Karen didn’t tell me because she never wanted me to worry.

I am glad to have Olivia so close, glad to be able to spend time every day with her. I try hard to please Lee and thank him for his sacrifice in moving here with me. I don’t want to move into assisted living, not when I can have Olivia living with me. I know they are here to help, but sometimes I think that I’m the one helping my granddaughter. She seems happiest when I’m in the room, and afraid to lose me. So for now, we are together.

I’m not as happy as I should be. I have my music.  I have the pineapple tablecloth I am crocheting for Olivia’s hope chest, but I miss Fred and Karen more than I can say, and I miss the friends I left behind. Even worse, I feel anxious and sad, except when I’m alone with my granddaughter. Lee says this is part of getting older and that I should take the medications my doctor has prescribed. I guess I have to put my faith in him.

Lee and Karen were married just a year before Fred died. Lee was the opposite of her first husband, attentive and charming, and like Karen, he wanted children. I’m so sorry Fred died without knowing that Karen was finally pregnant with our grandchild. He would have adored Olivia, who was born the year after his death. She is a quiet, well-behaved child, filled, I think, with thoughts she doesn’t share. She loves to be read to, even now at 10, and she loves to collect shells and driftwood and feed the fish in my aquarium. I have adored her since the moment she was born.

I am glad Fred wasn’t alive to experience what happened next. When Olivia was still nine, Karen drowned in a boating accident off the coast of Palmetto Grove. A gale force wind flipped the small cruiser that she and Lee had saved so hard to buy. He tried his hardest to save her and nearly drowned in the process. She was always a strong swimmer, but the waves were just too high. Neither of them were wearing life jackets. Karen had always insisted on every safety measure, but I suppose that because Olivia was not in the boat, the jackets were somehow left behind. There were gale warnings that day, but Lee told me their radio stopped working after they left the marina, and they were so far away they had decided not to turn back.

By then I had moved to Palmetto Grove to be near them. Fred and I always dreamed of having a condo on the water, and after he died Karen found me this cottage and persuaded me to move. I had suffered a stroke, and things weren’t as easy as they once had been. Sometimes I had trouble putting words together, or remembering where I left things, and Karen wanted me near. The cottage isn’t much to look at, but it has the most beautiful views and access to the water. We knew the land had been sold to a developer who planned to build a condo and hotel complex when the time was right, but the house was affordable for whatever time I could live there. For the time being, with Karen’s watchful assistance, I could have my fondest wish and see the Gulf any time I chose.

Her death, of course, changed all that.

(Alice’s Story Concludes on Friday)